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So..what sounds better? Alistair Castor Wendelton or Wilhelm Castor Valois? It's for an HP OC and I'm worried about Valois since its a very French surname but I like the name Wilhelm a lot XD
Anyone wanna do an HP rp? Please I'm dying over here D:
IS HEALTH
I'M VERY SICK
THIS SUCKS
KILL ME
I'M SO OBSESSED WITH IT

I'VE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR MONTHS OH GOD IT'S AMAZING
I THINK I WANNA WRITE MUSICALS NOW SOMEBODY RESTRAIN ME

Me and my friend have an ability to learn lyrics incredibly fast so you know I can almost sing that whole fuckin album by heart
We sing it all day in school...
So uhh...my birthday is actually today and not on the 31st. Fucking everyone used to use fake birthdays aaand I can't change it, soo..sorry.
Yeyyy anxiety again

I submitted Ester's OC bio thing to an OC reviewing page on tumblr. One of the reviewers replied and gave their advice and all, and thankfully Ester didn't get much attention.
I honestly feel really anxious about this?? Like what if someone were to discover her and think she's a horrible OC and fucking make a video or rant about it and I just get bombarded with hate or have people just talk horrible things about one of my OCs? I know, it's stupid I didn't just ask for a private review but this stuff just wasn't on my mind...well, fuck. Criticism is good, but when it's constructive, proper criticism. I'm not a fan of getting too much attention...
I'm figuring out how SAI works! Yess *-* I'll upload a pic if I finish it soon!
Coloring is hard...
I've just been feeling very depressed and anxious lately. I've been thinking of all the things going on in the world (as usual), and about how other people treat each other and seeing some things that happened in dA, and idk, it just makes me feel horrible. It's truly sad how unforgiving and impulsive people can be, and how much we can lie to ourselves our abandon each other. These are things I've always known, and things I think about, but for some reason it's just been making me sadder lately.

School's also starting soon, and oh boy, great, going back to the days where I was suicidal as Hell. Trapped in a routine, in a broken system and with a future that I will never like. Wonderful. It seriously feels like I'm going insane when in school season, and summer just depresses me, because I'm alone a lot.
A lot of things have happened and it just..sucks, makes me feel empty.

I have set up goals for this new school year, but I don't know if I can reach them. I know I'm smart and could do better if I tried more, but I lack motivation, and my anxiety and depression and restlessness, including my inability to focus and my complicated brain, make it very hard for me to do what is required for school. It's a toxic environment, to be honest. At least it has it's good parts and I'll try my best to achieve my goals.

Welp rant over, no-one cares anyway (I know super edgyyy I am #edgelord B) )
I deleted most of my dA gallery today, I actually don't like a lot of the stuff I left, but some stuff I just couldn't delete because of those pesky feelings. And it hurt so much to delete everything, but I had to. This..sucks. Remembering the past sucks sometimes.
My dad threw away my sketchbook..AGAIN.
It was full of drawings that I needed.
He also won't let me get a new notebook, even though I have a shit ton of them and will not use all of them for school.

I hate it when people disrespect their kids like this, if you can't respect your child, DON'T FUCKING HAVE CHILDREN. I am sick and tired of him throwing my things away, disrespecting me and insulting my art.

I understand that my parents don't want me to be an artist, I understand that I'm not even a good artist or writer, but that doesn't fucking matter. YOU DON'T JUST THROW AWAY SOMEONE'S ENTIRE SKETCHBOOK.
And the thing is, he won't even apologize. He thinks he's right to do so.

I'm done. Just..fucking done.
I'd hate to say it, but I've made quite a few sues in the past. They weren't the worst to be honest, sometimes they were overpowered, other times they had bad personalities and not the best backstories. Well, thankfully I'm A LOT better at character creating now.
I seriously cannot figure out how to write THE FIRST DRAFT OF CHAPTER 1. I don't have a lot of the story figured out yet so I won't even be uploading it, and I can't even start it D: I just want it to be as good as possible.

I realized that in the need to make it as good as possible I kinda lost what I wanted the story to be about and why it's important to me. I should keep the elements I wanted in the story and not worry so much about how others will see it. I enjoy deep characters, interesting settings, futuristic elements, fights, having to learn to control your power, losing control of your power, discovering of self, intellectual interests, intriguing backstories, new cultures, conflict, etc. I should have to figure out a way to put those elements that I want into the story.

For the 1st chapter, I want to introduce the characters as doing something that explains a few aspects about them without me, I want their first lines to say something about who they are now as a person, I want to have an interesting start and it's all so haard D: I've been trying to do this for weeks.
So, on March 31st 1015 I believe, or somewhere around April fools, I posted a journal saying that I died. It was really shitty of me to do so. It was wrong and stupid. I wish I hadn't but I did, and now all I can do is apologize.

I was in a very bad place, I was suicidal and depressed, I was anxious that people didn't care for me even if they said they did, I felt alone and the feeling wouldn't go away. I was curious to see what people would say if I died, a lot of people are, but I took it too far, and I'm sorry.
I tried defending my actions, I wasn't really sure if what I did was wrong or right back then, but I know now. While I don't support the reactions that it sparked, I think both sides did wrong and I started it all, so I am again, apologizing. 

I hope I can be forgiven by those who I've wronged. I'm sorry I caused people pain.
And just hate it?

God I did some terrible things. I understand myself and why I did them but just..no, that art is so bad.
Soo as everyone knows I'm writing this story that is based off DF only now it's an original story (haven't found a name for it yet so I'll just call it my story). I'm still working on a lot of things and character designs will change too, as well as names and all. I was wondering if anyone had any questions? I'll see what I can answer.



Here's to another status like 1 person will read D: well thank you for doing so

ALSO I FINISHED OWARI NO SERAPH TODAY HOLY SHIT.
..And does anyone know a place to download Paint tool Sai? Thank.
I'm bored and feeling like rping, anyone up for it?
  • Listening to: So cold-breaking benjamin
  • Watching: AMVs...
It's been a year since Monty Oum's passing. That was an amazing man, and my idol. I wrote a text to explain who he was and how he impacted the life of others, here it goes...

Monty Oum was an animator and writer, he created RWBY, worked on Red vs Blue and Dead Fantasy. He did and scripted many crossover fighting video series which were so well done that they caused Rooster Teeth, an internet production company, to hire him instantly.
He was self-taught and dropped out of High school to follow his dream.
He had very styalized animation and is known for being an extremely hard-working and creative unusual person. He truly loved his work yet his loved ones said he always found time for them no matter what. He ripped off the keys on his keyboard that he didn't need so he could type faster, he set the microwave one second earlier so the food would be done once he reached it, he drove to work even though he lived across it, he would forget to sleep and eat because he was working, he would stay late at the studio and would post videos on twitter of the empty studio and what he was doing. He would randomly fall asleep if he wasn't occupied because of how exhausted he was from working so hard.
He had a wife named Sheena who he had gotten married on May 9th 2014 and were going to have a proper bigger wedding in March or May of 2015 but he died on February 1st 2015...
He always advised his fans, friends, family and co-workers to "keep moving forward", it was his catchphrase and all. He always said his worst enemy was time, and that we all have such little time, we can't waste a second of it. Sheena, his wife, said that he laughed in the face of he words "That's impossible,it can't be done!".
Anyway, on January 22 2015, Monty was hospitalized following a severe allergic reaction during a routine medical procedure that put him in a coma. Burnie, a co-worker and good friend of his, posted that he was "in a critical condition and it's unknown if he will recover". All the fans were so worried, they made a fuckton of get well soon videos and artwork. They made a donation for the medical expenses on GoFundMe and the goal of $50,000 was reached within three hours, while in 12 days they raised $243,000...that speaks volumes of how much his fans loved him and the impact he had on everyone.
On February 1st he died because of an allergic reaction, and I cried for weeks, including all of the fans and his family and friends. I watched all of the podcast 309 which was all about him, his friends said that they let all of the stuff he had the way they were, and his motion caption suit outside of his door and that it reminds them of it. They all looked so destroyed and they had red eyes from crying.
Anyway, after his death there were lots of tributes dedicated to him, especially in volume 3 of RWBY, there is a nod to him in the theme song, his singature appearing in the sky on the first episode and a character saying "Keep moving forward". He was only 33 years old.
  • Listening to: The death of me-Asking Alexandria
  • Watching: Monty Oum Tributes
Alan Rickman died :/ That sucks. Looks like it was cancer. Fucking cancer man. It takes away so much, whether you're dead or alive.
  • Listening to: Sweet Dreams-Marilyn Manson (cover)
BACK AGAIN
SHADY'S BACK
TELL A FRIEND

Sooo my laptop got fucked up and my parents decided to get me a new one, sooo, I'm back!

I made A LOT of changes to DF, I'm gonna need to start writing and posting a lot more.....
  • Listening to: Sweet Dreams-Marilyn Manson (cover)
I'm VERY stressed lately, getting into arguments probably isn't helping--
I wish I could keep calm.
Also, damn, writing DF is so hard it takes a long time I'm so sorry for making you wait.
  • Listening to: Sweet Dreams-Marilyn Manson (cover)